When I moved to FL as a kid, I was horrified to learn of flying cockroaches. (I learned about them as one flew overhead. *shudder*) Living in Bug Capital for 18 years, I thought I had seen it all in terms of creepy crawlies. I was sadly mistaken.
Me vs. the Creature from the Hall Floorboard
First, I kick away the cat toys, careful not to get my foot too close to the monster, should he prove to be a jumping specimen.
Next, I go in search of an old shoe because I am not exposing my slippers, boots, heels, or flip flops to bug guts. Finally, I find a pair of sneakers that I use to paint and strip wallpaper. No one would be able to tell the difference between wallpaper paste and bug innards on those puppies.
Sneaker in hand, I peer around the corner, ready to attack. I bring the shoe down three times – whack, whack, WHACK! With the last whack of my shoe, the bug bounces, a sign of death and a sign that I’ve jumped back at least a foot, my heart beating as though I’m going to have to decide between fight and flight at any moment. I wait for signs of life. Not seeing any, I put my shoe away and run past the monster to the kitchen where I quench the thirst that bug hunting has caused.
Coming out of the kitchen, I see the bug’s body still lying there. He’s either really dead or one heck of an actor. I go about my business for the rest of the night and remind Hubby that he’s got a carcass to dispose of before bed. (I’m sorry, you didn’t think I was going to do said task, did you? Have you not been reading? They don’t make paper towels thick enough to create a safe barrier between me and the alien-bug.)
An hour later…
“Hey, Cher, where did you say that bug was?”
“Against the floorboard in the hall across from the bathroom.”
Pregnant pause.
“Yeah, not anymore.”
^$#$%^*&$#%!!!
I would only add that, as funny as this post is, funnier still is the image of my beautiful wife, trying valiantly to recreate the ugliness of the bug and its “three heads and like, ten legs”–complete with facial expressions and hand gestures.
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Thanks for the laugh this morning Cheryl – next time you get brave enough to whack a bug, may I suggest that you wad up about a half dozen paper towel, pick up said alien bug, drop it in the toilet and flush. Most expedient method of removing it from your home permanently. I'm not a big fan of bugs either and stink bugs are disgusting!
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Did you scream yourself silly while you were smooshing it? Because thats' what I do. UGH bugs. And I now live in the bug capital of America so trust me…I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I see bugs here that are like something out of science fiction. And those suckers don't like to die!
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Ha ha ha š Great writing! And a great story. Hopefully the little bug disposed of himself!
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Maybe he sprouted “wings” and went to bug heaven…ugh..I hate buts..just thinking about them gives me the willies…shiver running down my spine as I type!
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LMAO!… can't breathe…
So, how'd you sleep? š
hugs!!!
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You have a cat right? Maybe he ate it…. My cat does that all the time. He loves bugs!
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lmao! that was hysterical! you should see my dh behave when there is a bug in the house-lol mostly spiders and ginormous one's like what you described-i hope you got to it before you went to bed!!!!
xoxo
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Ew! Ew! Ew!
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Oh my gosh, Cheryl….
You sound just like me when I have to cowboy up and kill a roach!
I can not stand the creepy crawlies! Here in TX we have a lot more jumpers that I ran into growing up in CA. And I kid you not, I have encountered a spider here the reared up on hind legs & hissed. Hubby reported on that one after a dog walk the first week we lived here. It took 3 more years for me to run into one… but heaven help me – his story was real!
Thanks for the smile!
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