I figured out Victoria’s Secret

In his latest CD, the fabulous Rick Springfield ponders what Victoria’s secret is. I can finally tell him. It’s the free gifts.

What started out as the simple purchase of one sweater (that I desperately needed when the weather turned cool for the first time in September) has turned into an obsession. An obsession fueled by free gifts.

It all started with my quest for a robe. After looking at every store in town (which admittedly is not many), I finally found one at Victoria’s Secret. Still having a gift card from three years ago (I’m a hoarder like that), I guiltlessly bought it, my once freezing, post-showered body thrilled with the warmth of its plushness. And that’s when it happened.

When my robe arrived, a sneaky offer for $5 off my next order was included with a sweater catalog. Well, I did need a sweater because even though it was only September, this FL girl was already freezing. And with the $5 discount, the sweater I marked in the catalog (you really didn’t expect me not to look at the catalog, did you?) – with shipping – would be the same price as the ones I saw in the mall that I didn’t like. So really, how could I not take advantage of it?

But this would be it, I told myself. As much as I need new clothing, I also need to watch my pennies. And then…she lured me with free lipgloss. How did Victoria know that it is physically impossible for me to refuse a shimmery finish for my lips? Needless to say, another sweater arrived a week later.

After several sweaters and enough lipgloss to last me the rest of the year, I cast aside the catalog that came with my latest order, vowing not to let Vicki entice me into parting with another $25. But the vixen read my mind and upped the anti. Sure, I could resist another offer for lipgloss, but a $28 scarf?!? I need a scarf. And it just so happened that the one she was offering me was a perfect match for a sweater I had recently bought.

And so began the downward spiral. Each week a new Victoria’s Secret sweater arrives with a free gift and an offer that ensures a purchase the following week. So there you have it, Rick. The secret is freebies.

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